Vamooos Chilenoooooos

A blog about spending a semester in South America wouldn't be complete without a post dedicated to FUTBOL, riiight? This week brought two big games for La Roja, the national team of Chile--qualifying matches for the 2010 FIFA World Cup. On Sunday night we played Peru in Lima--and won 3 to 1! Tonight we played Uruguay in Santiago and ended things in a stalemate. How dissatisfying.

Nevertheless, I present my list of...

Reasons to Love Watching Futbol in Chile

-You go to buy a chirimoya yogurt and hot tea in the caf between classes and half the university is gathered around the TV watching Bolivia beat Argentina 6 to 1 because they're playing in La Paz and the Argentines can't handle the altitude (or at least so they claim).

-You almost get out of class early because your professor is itching to run home and turn on the game (yeah, but what's with this ALMOST getting out of class early, profe??).

-The micro is delightfully empty because most people are already at home, turning on the game.

-You're heading to catch the ascensor up to your street but suddenly all the men who live in your neighborhood run past you on their way home to turn on the game and crowd in and it's too full and you have to wait for the next one (thanks, guys).

-You have cheery conversations with random strangers on the ascensor about futbol.

-You arrive at your apartment to find your entire extended family plus some friends all gathered in the living room, with the biggest TV in the house plunked on the kitchen table, like an altar, and plugged in through an extension cord that runs all the way down the hallway. Suit jackets are doffed, chairs are arranged in a semicircle, fridge is full of beer, game faces are on.

-No one eats anything while watching a partido de futbol. It's way too serious an occasion for such a mundane activity. Cigarettes and beer are the only acceptable accompaniments. Speaking of which, the consumption of cigarettes increases considerably when you arrive at the last 10 minutes of the game and neither team has scored yet.

-Futbolistas (soccer players) are hot. Oops, pardon me, readers who happen to be parents and grandparents. I mean, they're reasonably attractive and I'm sure they're all very nice boys.

-You get a comprehensive review of Spanish profanity. Favorite phrases for futbol include a reference to excrement commonly used to express disappointment and any description of one's illegitimate birth or disgraced mother, all uttered with the purest and most sincere emotion and typically directed at the referee.

-If you want to communicate your feelings about a certain play or just the way the game is going in general, you need only know the following phrases, sprinkled with a few of the words mentioned above. Laurel Strozier will appreciate this the most:
1) "Hue'on!"
2) "Hue'oooon hue'on!"
3) "Siiii po hue'on!"
4) "Obvio po hue'on!"
5) "Ahhh hue'oooon!"
6) "Vaaamos po hue'on!"

-It brings out regional tensions like no other. When Chile beat Peru on Sunday, my host dad kept referring to another Guerra del Pacífico. And tonight when a curly-headed blonde player kept fouling the Chileans, he exclaimed something disdainful like, "Ugh, why'd the Uruguayans bring that Argentine with them??"

-You can hear reactions to the game all over the city if you simply go and stand next to your living room window.

-You get to hang out with Macarena Moya, your international program coordinator AND Chilean sister-in-law, and make fun of how ridiculous all the men in your family are being. Your Chilean mom is making fun of them too...until she joins in on the madness.

-The men in your family are seriously ridiculous. They shout, they throw temper tantrums, they kick at the TV, they pace back and forth, they mockingly beat their heads against the wall...

And it's just another night of futbol as usual. Unfortunately, no more big games until June.

Obvio po hue'on!